Sunday, 26 September 2010

Friday, 24 September 2010

Im in love with you, what don't you understand.
Not anyone else, i havn't?
I won't?
& i don't want to?
You're everything to me. *look, i spelt you're right*
I know, well, i know you don't care. But hehh, had to be said huhh?
Stop, please?
What is there not to get?
You thought i was okay. Pardon?
Now what? :/

Thursday, 23 September 2010

..&then you we're gone.
I thought they'd gone away, then i spoke to you, and the damn tears came back.
Life goes on..

Does it?
"Poor Liam"
"What you did to Liam was so fucking out of order"
Why're people telling me what i know. I did it, course i know, im not proud, im fucking ashamed.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

So is that it now? Will you never speak to me again, never be able  to look me in the eye again?
I wish you'd hear me out! I did what i did, for your own good, not mine, i would have done anything to still be with you right now. Im not going to get with Bryn? You know im not a whore?
I did this because i felt so ashamed of myself, i felt so bad i even consider liking Bryn the tinyest bit.
I know, you hate me, and so do pretty much all of your friends. I just.. i can't let this go, not whithout a fight.
People keep telling me i'll be okay soon, people say i'll be alright.
I wont. Four months my feelings hadn't changed one bit, and honestly, yes this time things are different, they're much worse.
I can't even put on a brave face this time.
And i don't want to.
I cant be asked to try any longer.
People have made their opinions, im not going to try and change them
People keep saying how sad you are, that kills me the most.
Thats what i dread, seeing you sad.
I've not lost one feeling for you. I don't excpect this to change anything at all.
Just i know you've got this idea im madly in love with Bryn, and i dont know what you've heard, you can believe all you like. Just, surely you know im not the kind of person to just drop you for someone else like that?
Egh. Your not going to pay any attention to this, let alone read it.
I just hate the fact i never got a chance to explain. I know i could keep mailing you on facebook or something But, well, you asked me not to talk to you, and if theres one thing i can do, thats listen to you. So im not going to :/ Its hard, i'll admit that, its so hard not to talk to you. Its so hard not to chase after you at school try to speak to you, but even then, what would be the point, you;d either turn your back and walk away, or i'd open my mouth, and no words would come out. Or worst, i could just break down and cry.
Egh. I wish so bad that you'd understand.
Lucies so mad at me for this. Shes so mad im not going to get with Bryn, and she's so mad i still have the same feelings for you as i did five days ago.
See, this was a situation i wouldn't win. If i'd not told you what'd been going through my head, you would have found out some other way, and you would have been so mad that i hadnt told you, that i'd hidden something from you. This way, i thought you'd listen, because origionally i wasnt going to do this over fucking msn, i was going to tell you to your face, so you'd hear me out, so you'd understand how i felt, and what i didnt want to happen.
But you figured something was up, and i wasn't going to pretend all was well, because, well, i dont have the strength to lie to you.
Reading this is going to make me seem like im thinking all about myself :/
Yeh, so it might seem like that.
You've no idea. How much i wish you could be happy, how i wish you hadn't met me last year, because well, yes, i might not have , met you, i might not be the girl i am today, and well, you wouldnt have made my life so amazing, but, it would have made your life so much easier, there would have been no pain.
Uh. I just wish you'd speak to me.
I don't want to get over you, i cant, i hurts to even think of the idea.
And no, i dont excpect more chances. But, i just wish that the tinyest feeling i had hadn't got in the way.
I never said we had to be over.. it just happened. But, egh. What more can i say, i've worn your feelings to the bone.
I'll stop babbling now...
i hope you do read this, just so you understand?
Why am i thinking all of this? Thats it. Theres nothing else to do anymore...

Tuesday, 21 September 2010



I want you to read this.. just so you know..

21st September 2010.

..The worst day of my life.
Not because of my choices. But because of the fact people wouldn't listen, people wouldn't give me a chance to explain. In art, Rob text me, he said you knew about what happened in Dorset, i felt sick. To think that you thought i cheated on you, was... well, unbearable. The amount of times i nearly cried. I remember sitting in the computer room on my own, and just staring at the blank word document on my page, i blinked and a single tear rolled down my cheek.
I feel like a right home wrecker.
Louise Lorring hates me.. she cried at Lunch because of me. :/
Hollis Mathews dispises me, and tbh, would probrably just laugh at me if i cried.
All your friends look at me like a piece of shit.
I understand why, just sometimes, i'd wish people would hear me out...
Liam Shaughnessy 20 September at 22:39
fuck off, never speak to me again 
I think its safe to say that sums up the answer to my last post.

Monday, 20 September 2010

When this ends, am i going to loose you again? :/

Sunday, 19 September 2010

Sigh. So much is going through my head. No, its not 'all' to do with you.
&Honeslty, i debated not writting it on here, because, well, i don't want to talk about it. My theorey is, if i run away from my problems, they'l go away... Guess not.
Egh. I can't do this on here. Sorry.
This is so fucked up! Its doing my head in! Why did anything change! It would have been so much easier!

Friday, 17 September 2010

I was in a reall good mood when i got home.
Now, everythings going down hill... fast.

Wow, i had a really amazing time in Dorset! I never got bored!
I got closer with everyone..and we had so many laughs.
"More custard"
"Miss Boosha"
"Rave it up"
"Fore Face"
"My little friend"
"Do you acctually have any clothes that fit you properly?"
"It was like a bear"
"Ever seen a double rainbow?"
"Only five minuetes"
"This is the last hill"



Sunday, 12 September 2010

I really don't want to leave.
Honestly, i thought i'd be able to cope better. But now the times come im really scared... i  dont want to leave you.

Thursday, 9 September 2010

I wish people would just like, leave us bee? Why do they have to watch us? "aww" all the time :/ Just be normal? Please?

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

I miss the way you used to kiss me... now we never do. "/

F u c k y o u s c h o o l .
When i was little cardboard boxes meant hours of fun! 
Especially when they we're filled with polystyrene! 

Monday, 6 September 2010

"Hi, I'm a spider and i can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can"

I missed Adam!

I just enjoyed a lengthy bitching session with himm ;L
I love it when its raining outside& its all cosy indoorss. <3

Sunday, 5 September 2010

Mum&Dad are watching 'The Lovley Bones' Im too scared to watch it.
My camera screen is fuckedd. Something happened to it at the fair, so its just a white mess when you turn it on. It still takes photos, just you cant see what your doingg :/
"What kind of sick messed up world is this?"
"I'm afraid that when i finally find love, i'll ruin it due to my numerous insecurities"   
R e a l i t y    i s    a l l    t o    h a r s h h.
"I run away from you sometimes, to see if you'd follow"


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