Wednesday, 22 September 2010

So is that it now? Will you never speak to me again, never be able  to look me in the eye again?
I wish you'd hear me out! I did what i did, for your own good, not mine, i would have done anything to still be with you right now. Im not going to get with Bryn? You know im not a whore?
I did this because i felt so ashamed of myself, i felt so bad i even consider liking Bryn the tinyest bit.
I know, you hate me, and so do pretty much all of your friends. I just.. i can't let this go, not whithout a fight.
People keep telling me i'll be okay soon, people say i'll be alright.
I wont. Four months my feelings hadn't changed one bit, and honestly, yes this time things are different, they're much worse.
I can't even put on a brave face this time.
And i don't want to.
I cant be asked to try any longer.
People have made their opinions, im not going to try and change them
People keep saying how sad you are, that kills me the most.
Thats what i dread, seeing you sad.
I've not lost one feeling for you. I don't excpect this to change anything at all.
Just i know you've got this idea im madly in love with Bryn, and i dont know what you've heard, you can believe all you like. Just, surely you know im not the kind of person to just drop you for someone else like that?
Egh. Your not going to pay any attention to this, let alone read it.
I just hate the fact i never got a chance to explain. I know i could keep mailing you on facebook or something But, well, you asked me not to talk to you, and if theres one thing i can do, thats listen to you. So im not going to :/ Its hard, i'll admit that, its so hard not to talk to you. Its so hard not to chase after you at school try to speak to you, but even then, what would be the point, you;d either turn your back and walk away, or i'd open my mouth, and no words would come out. Or worst, i could just break down and cry.
Egh. I wish so bad that you'd understand.
Lucies so mad at me for this. Shes so mad im not going to get with Bryn, and she's so mad i still have the same feelings for you as i did five days ago.
See, this was a situation i wouldn't win. If i'd not told you what'd been going through my head, you would have found out some other way, and you would have been so mad that i hadnt told you, that i'd hidden something from you. This way, i thought you'd listen, because origionally i wasnt going to do this over fucking msn, i was going to tell you to your face, so you'd hear me out, so you'd understand how i felt, and what i didnt want to happen.
But you figured something was up, and i wasn't going to pretend all was well, because, well, i dont have the strength to lie to you.
Reading this is going to make me seem like im thinking all about myself :/
Yeh, so it might seem like that.
You've no idea. How much i wish you could be happy, how i wish you hadn't met me last year, because well, yes, i might not have , met you, i might not be the girl i am today, and well, you wouldnt have made my life so amazing, but, it would have made your life so much easier, there would have been no pain.
Uh. I just wish you'd speak to me.
I don't want to get over you, i cant, i hurts to even think of the idea.
And no, i dont excpect more chances. But, i just wish that the tinyest feeling i had hadn't got in the way.
I never said we had to be over.. it just happened. But, egh. What more can i say, i've worn your feelings to the bone.
I'll stop babbling now...
i hope you do read this, just so you understand?

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